Military Working Cat Program Underway At ‘The Old Guard’.

Officials hope to capitalize on cats' olfactory and hearing prowess. While most people
 think of dogs as having sharp senses, cats actually have more acute senses.

Think the Army doesn’t have a sense of humor? Think again.

The news feature this April Fools’ morning on www.army.mil is about the 3^rd U.S. Infantry Regiment, known as The Old Guard, and its efforts towards cutting spending through the introduction of cats to work alongside military police.

Military police currently use German Shepherds or Belgian Malinois for drug detection and tracking criminals. The cats will be used for the same thing, the article claims, as well as serving as claw-bearing, ready-to-scratch fuzzy attack missiles.

“I think it’s a great idea,” said Sgt. 1st Class Tyler Radmall, platoon sergeant, 947th Military Police Detachment, 3d U.S. Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard). “There are so many homeless cats in the Virginia area. Not only will the Army have a more cost-effective working animal, but we will be doing our part in getting them off of the streets and finding them employment.”

Soldiers in the regiment have been working to capture stray cats, which then go through a screening process to determine “trainability.” The article claims the feline soldiers will be evaluated on how they follow directions and sociability, with unmotivated cats getting the boot from the program.

The article claims participants are excited about the use of cats as police animals but admitted there are limitations.

“It has been a rough process,” Radmall said. “A lot of our soldiers were seen at the regimental aid station because they were scratched up pretty badly by the cats.”

The “program” has had one successful graduate, according to the story.

“We’ve already had one cat successfully graduate through the program, and we’re looking forward to having many more to follow in his footsteps,” Radmall said. “While the other cats in the program might not understand the gravity of his achievement, Gino serves as a role model for them. He exemplifies the Army values.”
And, as the article states, no cats were harmed in the writing of this story.